32 Weeks Ago.

Still here. Still pregnant. Still going a little bit out of my mind with the anticipation of meeting this baby girl any day now. In the meantime, here's a little flashback from my pregnancy journal to one of my all-time favorite moments: our first ultrasound. 

7 weeks, 1 day. September 9, 2011
9:45am

This morning is our first ultrasound. I will be leaving the house in approximately one hour to meet Hugh at the doctor's office. To say I am a bundle of nerves would be an understatement. I have been tossing and turning and waking up at the crack of dawn for the last three nights.

Hugh has reassured me at least ten times per day that everything will be fine. After all of the waiting and hoping for this baby, I can't help but worry that we're going to go in and find out it was all just a dream.

More this afternoon, but for now I am deep breathing and willing myself to feel at peace and hoping with every fiber of my being that we get to hear the whoosh of a tiny baby heartbeat this morning.

2:15pm
Oh my goodness sakes alive! There is really a baby in there!

I was a nervous wreck at the doctor's office. My anxiety coupled with the 55 minute wait made me a real basket case by the time the tech finally called us back.

Once we got into the room and got situated, I felt like I was either going to faint or vomit. Hugh was perfectly calm, as he has been for the last three weeks. I was lying back on the table and Hugh was standing up by my head looking at the screen with my clammy hand clasped between his cool palms.

Our tech started the ultrasound and I couldn't look for fear that something would be wrong or there wouldn't be a baby there at all. I decided I would just look at Hugh's face instead. Seconds ticked by, he stared at the screen, and I stared at him with my stomach in my throat.

All of the sudden he broke into the biggest smile. A split second later, the tech proclaimed, "There's your baby!"

I burst into tears, looked over at the screen and, sure enough, a baby indeed. A teeny, tiny baby with two arms and two legs flitting all around. Lots of happy crying and disbelieving laughter and hand squeezing.

The ultrasound was quick, considering I could have stayed there all day staring at that sweet babe. She did all of her checking and measuring and said everything looks great. She also told us there was only one baby in there, which disappointed the baby's daddy a bit. He was hoping for twins. I was not.

After the ultrasound we met with my nurse and doctor. Here is one upside to infertility: everyone at the office is really freaking excited when you finally get pregnant. There was lots of hugging and handshaking and congratulating from the people who know it has been a long road getting here.

All in all, everything looks great and we are right on track to have a baby sometime around April 26th. The perfect, springtime baby we have been waiting for all this time.

I Still Hear Wedding Bells.

"We talked and talked and talked. Maybe love comes in at the eyes, but not nearly as much as it comes in at the ears, at least in my experience. As we talked, lights flickered on inside my head; by the end of the night I was a planetarium."

Four years in and there is no one else in the world I'd rather spend my hours talking to:

Geoff L Johnson Photography

And though we have had some pretty lovely adventures since we tied the knot, I'm particularly looking forward to our newest endeavor, scheduled to begin any day now:

Jenn Hopkins Photography

Happy anniversary, h. I have loved every dinner, every handwritten note, every conversation, every single day we have shared. 

What We're Doing.

Frinternets! 

Here's what my little White Hot family is feeling happy about these days:

• Two lunch dates with two sweet friends and their new babies. There is nothing more lovely than holding the brand new kiddo of someone you love. 

• Speaking of, we are feeling especially happy about the birth of Charles Spencer!  Seriously, how cute is this boy:

• A surprise afternoon with my favorite husband. He decided to power through until bedtime after his 30-hour call ended yesterday afternoon, because he is the bee's knees. And that meant I got eight uninterrupted hours of hanging out with him. Side note: during our hang out time, we ate dinner at our favorite local restaurant, which we frequent multiple times a month. While we were there, the bartender came over to chat with us and bring Hugh his drink. Our drink-making friend commented that he felt like I'd been pregnant for at least twelve months at this point and wasn't it time for me to have this baby and drink a margarita already? You have no idea, buddy. 

• Speaking of having a baby, we are all excited that yesterday I officially entered full-term territory! And while it doesn't necessarily mean she'll be here any minute, it means I can relax a little bit about the nonstop contractions that have been part of this pregnancy for the past eight weeks. But if she did want to make an appearance a wee bit early, we are ready and waiting. Especially the mama who is lugging this belly full of baby around:

37 weeks! And, I just keep growing.

• Mary, Mary, quite contrary, look at my garden grow! 

I can't take credit for this excitement, since lugging bags of potting soil around when it is 80 degrees outside is on my list of restricted activities these days, but I am most grateful to my favorite garden fairy for getting me all set up.

• A dwindling pre-baby to do list. Only a few things left. My mom asked me what I was going to do when I got the last thing crossed off. Have a baby, of course. 

• Speaking of checking off to do list items, there has been a lot of pre-washing of baby girl's clothes and other necessities. Why are cloth diapers so darn cute? I've had these hanging up waiting to be put away for three days just because I like to look at them:

• The nursery is pretty much finished! And I love every single thing in that room with my heart and soul. A full reveal to come after I get the last few frames filled, but here's a little sneak peak:

On that note, I'm off to do some work and have a lunch date and wait for my most favorite person to come home. And, because I know you've been missing my weather updates lately - seventy and sunny all weekend long. Hip hip hooray!

Hope yours is a lovely one. Check you Monday.

People Say the Darndest Things.

Still out there, my frinternets? I'm still here, hanging out, growing a person. This week, I'm going to try for some posts with content. Maybe even a few recipe recommendations. Novel, right? 

But, not today. Today I'm just going to tell you about the things people say to you when you are pregnant. I'm not talking about the sweet things, because there are plenty of those - congratulations, due date inquiries, boy or girl questions, and that's to say nothing of the smiles and doors held open and general niceness I have encountered since I started looking pregnant to the naked eye.

I'm talking about the lovely, unsolicited comments people make when your belly starts to look like this:

34.5 weeks. Doctor says belly is measuring 2 weeks ahead, so I can't wait to see what I look like at 40 weeks...

In the last seven days, I haven't gone anywhere without at least two people commenting on how I am about to pop (yes, yes I am, in five more weeks, thankyouverymuch) or asking me if I'm having twins (nope, quadruplets) or telling that I'm huge (really? I didn't notice my size when I was deciding which of the two shirts that still cover my belly I should wear today.).

But, cliche comments aside, I've gotten some real gems over the last three weeks. These are my favorites:

• While waiting at the hospital to pre-admit for delivery last week, I was sitting in my chair, minding my own business, eating the ice from my Chick-fil-a lemonade. Another patient walked in and, after making the never-before-heard comments about how I was about to pop and was I having twins, she announced to the waiting room, "That girl has no business chewing on that ice like that - lowers your iron and gives you the diabetes." Ah, yes, the oft-forgotten correlation between high levels of sugar in the blood and consuming frozen water. Thank you for the reminder, Doctor. You are a doctor, right? That's why you get to wear your slippers to the hospital?

• On my last trip to Savannah, I stopped at a gas station for a drink. While I was checking out, the cashier was asking me all about my pregnancy, and my due date, and the sex of the baby. She then informed me that her sister was also having a girl. I asked when she was due. She said, "Oh, she's due April 26th, too. But she's skinny, so she is way smaller than you." Awesome.

On that note, happy Monday to you. I hope someone says something to you in public that makes you laugh out loud. At least I haven't had a stranger try to touch my belly yet...

Dear Baby: 31 Weeks

Dear baby girl,

Thirty-one weeks today. Can you believe it? I barely can. I alternate between feeling like you will never get here and feeling like there is nowhere near enough time left to finish getting ready. Since week ten, the days have truly been flying by, blurring into one another until seven of them have passed and we are one week closer to meeting you.

It completely overwhelms me to think about that, about meeting you. We have been doing so much to get ready for you - reading about you, reading to you, setting up your room, buying baby clothes and diapers and other "necessities" like fabric to sew your mobile, taking classes, and talking about you until we drift off to sleep - but I know no amount of preparation can really prepare us for your arrival. Honestly, I have a hard time really even thinking about it, about how we will be forever changed by you, about how this little family that I love so completely is about to grow. Just running through it in my mind leaves me a weepy mess of a mama-to-be, wishing that day would get here sooner.

But not too soon. We had a bit of a scare the last week, thinking you were trying to make your arrival much too early. Luckily, it appears for now that all is well and we still have weeks to go. While your Daddy and I were in the ultrasound room on Friday watching you on the screen, I was marveling to myself at how proud I already am of you. I look at your sweet little tummy and perfect baby feet and all I can think is that we made you. After all the waiting and dreaming and hoping, we made a perfect little person. 

When your tech proclaimed she thought that you were shy because you covered your face with your hands for the whole ultrasound, your Daddy and I laughed because you've done that every single time we've gotten to see you. He said, "I don't think there will be a shy bone in this girl's body. She's just saving the big debut for her birthday." Shy or not, we sure can't wait to see your sweet face for the first time.

I know things are getting more cramped in there; I feel you pushing and stretching all day and night trying to make more room. Soon enough, baby girl. For now, let's hang in there for at least six more weeks, okay?

Love,
Mama

Waving the White Flag.

Since I got pregnant, I've been fascinated by the whole baby-growing process, by the fact that our girl has gone from a microscopic blip to a rolling 3lb person with arms and toes and eyelashes who kicks and rolls and stretches all day long. I've been especially amazed by how little one actually has to do to grow a baby. Don't get me wrong, getting here was a trial to say the least, but once I was actually pregnant, all I've really had to do was sit back and let my body do the work. 

Which, for the most part has meant it's been business as usual around the White Hot house. Since I made it off the couch around week fifteen, I've been going nonstop. Sure, there has been a nursery to decorate and baby showers to attend (more on that loveliness to come) and birth relaxation methods to practice, but there has still been work and travel and a house to clean and boys to take care of. Especially the last eight weeks - I've traveled for work and for fun, we've had company or been out of town every single weekend, and I have frankly just been burning the candle at both ends.

Well, apparently my body had enough of that. Friday morning found me up at the crack of dawn with continuous Braxton Hicks contractions. Which, at 30 weeks, lands you a "come in immediately" seat at your doctor's office for a non-stress test, an ultrasound, and an exam. After a few hours hanging out with my favorite husband listening to baby girl and then watching her take a long nap, my second favorite doctor determined I was not yet in labor and agreed to send me home for the weekend (side note: apparently the alternative to going home was to admit me to the hospital for further monitoring, which made me have a mild heart attack in hindsight). So home we went, with strict orders to rest and relax, to call if anything changed, and to come back on Monday for a recheck.

Monday's appointment determined that there would most definitely be no travel this week, and that I will be back in next Monday to decide if I can resume my normal schedule. Obviously, I will be doing whatever is best for this sweet sleep-stealing girlie of mine, but man, oh man, this ceding control thing is hard. There has been more than one episode of mild panic since Friday, that's for certain.

So, resting. What is this rest you speak of? Apparently it is a lot of sitting around. Did I mention I am terrible at sitting around? I suppose this is the perfect time to do the things you have to be sitting around to do, like catching up on emails and finishing thank you notes and getting through my stack of pre-baby reading. 

Now is the time to slow down, to relax, to try not stress about the contractions (still coming, by the way), to focus in on the remaining weeks (nine?!) until baby girl's due date, and to feel so, so lucky for what happy and healthy weeks the last thirty have been.

Be Gentle with Yourself. And Eat a Cookie.

As indicated by the radio silence around here, it has been a doozy of a week - we've had a painful goodbye, 18 hours in the car, a little baby scare (don't worry, baby girl and I are both fine), a national exam, 30 hours of work training, a disaster of a house, an ongoing car problem, and a stack of work that is multiplying like rabbits.  The humans at this little White Hot house are just emotionally and physically exhausted. It has left me feeling a little bit weepy, a little bit defensive, and a little bit like snapping - we are doing the best we can.

I was thinking that over and over to myself yesterday morning while I was blow drying my hair, getting more and more upset with the world, when the realization struck me: that the person I needed to be talking to was myself. I am doing the best I can, and that's really all I can do.

Source.

So, I decided that I would control what I could and let go of the rest - I sat down at my desk, took a deep breath, put my head down and worked for 10 hours. And, you know what? Everything is looking a little more manageable this morning. 

I woke up early to gigantic baby kicks, feeling lighter and happier and ready to face the day. I got to talk to Hugh (on the phone, mind you) for fifteen minutes while he studied and I had coffee and fed the boys breakfast. It's Friday. Yesterday marked three months until baby girl's due date (!!). I spent a whole uninterrupted hour working on the nursery last night. In other words, I'm remembering today just how peachy my little life is.

Oh, and I have a perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe to share with you. Because it's the kind of week where I can justify eating a two cookies after lunch and dinner. And you should, too. Because, man, oh man, these cookies are good:

 

A Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie
Barely adapted from Apple a Day
makes approximately 3 dozen

The thing I love about these cookies, aside from their deliciousness, is their texture. They are chewy, and they stayed that way until the very last one was gone. Because, really, who wants a crunchy chocolate chip cookie? Not this girl.

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
1/4 cup granulated white sugar
1 egg, room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/3 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.

Using a stand mixer or hand-held mixer, cream butter and sugars in large bowl until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add egg and vanilla. Beat until completely combined, scraping bowl as necessary.

Add flour, cornstarch, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Mix until just combined.

Add chocolate chips and pecans. Mix by hand with wooden spoon to avoid over beating. 

Drop cookie dough onto prepared cookie sheets in heaping tablespoons. Bake for 10 - 12 minutes. Note: the edges of these cookies should be golden, but do not let the tops brown. This ensures their chewy texture. 

Remove from oven. Cool cookie sheets on wire racks for 5 minutes. Remove cookies from cookie sheets and cool completely on wire racks.

Eat them up!